As I mentioned, the kiddo is 10, so this is an especially good opportunity to focus on spending time with her.
I think she might be twice-exceptional.
We're starting to see some areas where she struggles with things that might not be easily explained by her giftedness, like sensory sensitivities, emotional regulation, and social interaction.
As we dig into it, I'm finding things on the self-assessments that apply to me too. For example, statement 41 on the Autism Spectrum Quotient: "I like to collect information about categories of things (e.g., types of cars, birds, trains, plants)." <gestures at Emacs News> I tend to score 40+ out of 50 on the whole self-assessment, with a threshold of 33 suggesting significant traits of autism, so yeah…
Anyway, we'll see what the public school and public health systems might be able to help her with, but I'm not counting on much. Funding is limited, and lots of kids have a much harder time. For me, I don't need accommodations for work or school. Private assessments are expensive, and there's not really that much one can do for some things aside from trying to take better care of yourself, which I can do even without a formal diagnosis. (Earbuds for noisy environments, and knowing that I may need lots of quiet time; delegating social stuff to other people; not worrying too much about the kiddo while she doesn't feel like focusing on social skills - when she wants to, we can look into that.)
So it'll probably help a lot to spend time figuring ourselves out, if the standard ways of doing things might not work so well.
Besides, it's fun to spend time together.
We've been making the most of our season passes to the amusement park, and we've also been playing a lot of Minecraft together.
She likes it when I play the same games she does.
I'm finding ways to get more out of even the solo games we play side-by-side, like Pokémon.
If I configure my controller to be usable with one hand, I can use the other to lift small weights, and I can listen to and repeat my French practice audio files.
I won't have a kid forever, after all. My husband won't be around forever either. Good to make the most of the time we have.
I wonder what it'll be like for the kiddo to grow up seeing us both follow our own rhythms.
I hope it will be good for her, despite the friction with school and other regimented systems.
As I write this, she's sleeping in.
I've told the school she'll probably be absent for the day.
She might attend in the afternoon, or she might do her work asynchronously. (Update: She joined the afternoon class.)
She tells me many of her classmates don't do the work, so the teacher spends quite a bit of time reminding people. I can see why she might not value class time as much.
Having developed a keen appreciation of the difference being well-rested makes, I am okay with her experimenting with finding her own rhythms and seeing what kind of feedback she gets from her decisions.
It doesn't make a ton of sense for me to say: you need to comply with school in order to get a good job.
It's better to figure out something that works for you sustainably.
A regular job might not be a good fit for her anyway.
At least she knows she can figure out an alternative, and she can see the kinds of choices that help make that possible.
One might argue that this sort of life is too soft, too comfortable. It wastes "potential" and doesn't develop grit or persistence.
I know that I can extend myself for things that matter to me, like this whole adventure into parenting.
In general, though, I've greatly appreciated having plenty of slack in my life, allowing me to deal with things with less stress and more equanimity than otherwise.
It feels to me better to start from a small, solid base than to feel overextended.
As much as I can, I'd like to also help the kiddo figure herself out.
Better to be in tune with yourself than to burn out chasing other people's priorities.
Besides, it'll be interesting to see how much we can hack the system to work around its limitations.